Haven't slept since 8am on Saturday, it is now 10pm on Sunday. Worked unbelievably hard on Valentine's Day at the restaurant, had a really crap chocolate milk at the cafe accross the road, then Dean called me. Don't ask about Dean. Another mess I'm getting myself into. He's not the mess, what I am probably creating with him is. I hate letting people believe that I can give them things, make them happy. I can't. I can't make myself happy, so how is it possible for me to bring anyone else any kind of joy.

I ended up talking to Dean from 12.30 to 6am. And he called me. He lives in Sydney, coming in March for a surfing tour. Great kid, very earthed, he's interesting because he's one of those raw people who just is what they are. I wish I was like that. I'm too pretentious and aware of what other people 'might' think. It's pathetic actually.

It's unbareably hot. However, I seem to be pulling off marginally pretty in this disgusting heat which is amazing considering I struggle to do that in normal weather conditions.

I took as many photographs as I could of Evil Twin today, I had never seen them play, they are really good though, better than I expected. But I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Unfortunately, even after culling out the average photos, my memory backed up. I didn't have access to a camera because the chick who owns it was having it serviced. I think Trent was kinda disappointed, I would be too. But I'm working on it. I need a project, and I don't really give a fuck if they don't like my work. They aren't paying me, so they shouldn't have legally binding expectations of what I will provide. Smeh. It's only Trent, he's so weird with me. I don't get it. I just have this feeling that I piss the crap out of him. I wish I didn't, I kinda admire him.

This conversation is shit. I'm, well I WAS talking to some kid on yahoo, an emo named Scott. He's totally down on himself, but I think he's hot. Because he is...But he's gone to 'get rid' of something I dunno what and yeah silence is crap.

I want to be very deep in a category, with something I just do, and do good. Something to be passionate about. I haven't had that feeling since 7th grade. Motivated beyond belief. Mmm, shit happens...mostly to me.

I should really give this up now, it can't be amusing to anyone but myself when I read over it.